I'm in a weird position.

I get to go back to university in the fall, but I'm sure how to feel about it.

The last few times before I went back to school after break, I've always felt very frustrated becuse I wanted to just goout on auditions and work a day job for a few months instead.

I've done that now for six months..

it feels great.

but i still want to try my hand at film, and I don't want to have to worry about logistics.
I just want to create in a safe environment.
I get that at uta.
however, all of these great people that I wanted to work with have graduated already.
and now I'm out of the major, so it will be even harder to get into those classes.
but I still kinda want to at least see what I can do, if anything.

1. Sister Act 3: Whoopi needs work
2.Grease 3: We Just Want the Money
3.Look Who's Talking 4: Kristie Alley has a liposuction bill
4. Breakin' 3: The next Generation (technically this was actually made as Step up and Step  up 2)

if i'm not trying to be anything, it's the best feeling in the world.

I'm like a plate-spinner, you know? [Laughs.] I've got a lot of little plates that I'm trying to keep spinning at the same time. I thankfully don't feel like the end is incredibly near. As I learned from chapters past, it's important to try and stay in the chapter that you're in, and enjoy it while it's lasting. Not be constantly worrying about where this step will take you—living in the potential future. Like a good meal. Like a good chef's tasting meal. You don't want to wonder what's next while you're eating the foie gras.
--neil patrick harris..

I met this cool new person at my job and his approach to new people is exactly like mine, hesistant at first and then slowly interested.
we laugh at exactly the same parts in this movie that always plays at work.
he seems messier than me.
ive never really met anyone that i can be myself with.
not since like 5th grade.
and now i like work with the guy.
i slowly get to know people and if they are too agressive, i pull instantly back.
I guess the best way to get to know him is too slowly get to know him.

every few weeks/months, I come upon another improv related interview that relates some personality trait of a great improviser/performer, and(without seeming too boastful) I seem to have the same.

It's refreshing because being around most actors, I've never really related to them.
when the teacher/instructor always says "you're in here because you're weird like the rest of us" I always thought "yea!" and now after looking over what they really are like, I am finally realizing I am not like them.

which kinda makes sense.
I knew it the second I got back from CA.
I just ignored it because it was easier to blend in and make fake friendships, than really have something meaningful because then I would have to put down roots.
and I just wanna get back to CA asap.
I'm starting to figure out what kind of people I feel comfortable around, and I am thankful.
I still kinda want to get back, but I'm a tad bit inclined to see what kind of people I can meet here and in Austin.

..."I hated that character from the second she flounced on the screen. I remember distinctly Portman telling Zach Braff's character that she was "weird" and then doing a silly little dance to illustrate her "weirdness." Honestly? Anyone who telegraphs their so-called weirdness so outlandishly is not actually weird, they're merely quirky enough to be vaguely interesting without having their own thing going on. They're completely mainstream but have one really big tattoo, or occasionally sing really loud in the shower! "Oh, Natalie," the A.V. Club writes, "your unconventional ways are so inspiring, and your beauty is surprisingly non-threatening!"

http://jezebel.com/5033744/manic-pixie-dream-girls-are-the-scourge-of-modern-cinema/

int. uta cafe ice cream stand

 A young man is standing behind the ice cream stand handing out ice cream to patrons.

              Guy 1

           (overly cheerful)

                       Hello.

             Guy 2

              (Fake sincerity)

                   Hi.

              guy 1

               (cheerfully)

         I would like a cherry vanilla double dipped ice  cream cone please.

                                 GUY 2

                 (dryly)

                       no.

            GUY 1.

              (confused)

                     what?

           GUY 2

               (dryly)
                  no.


           Guy 1.

             (curious)

                no?


           GUY 1.

        (even more confused)

                  Why not?

          Guy 2.

         (faking concern)

           It's not good for you.

                              Guy 1.

                        (growing in frustration)

                         I'm paying for it.

                  Guy 2.

                (sarcasticly)

                       I know.


                Guy 1.
 (more growing in frustration)

            Guy 1.

                 (stand still)


                  you just won't.

            Guy 2.

                  (dry)

                       right.

                       Guy 1 nods in confusion.

            Guy 1.

         well, how about one scoop then?

     guy 2
     na.

    guy1
any flavor.

 guy 2
 nope.

guy 1
you can even pick it.
hmm.

guy1
any flavor.

vendor
any flavor?

customer
any one is fine.

vendor
ok.
how about this one?
the vendor bends down into the ice cream bin, as we see the anticipation in the customer's eyes, he comes up and hands a

single cone to the man.

customer
what is this?

vendor
an ice cream cone

customer
i mean, wheres the ice cream?

vendor
you said any flavor

customer
of ice cream!

vendor
well, there it is.

customer
what?

vendor
it's a flavor.

customer
no, it isn't.
 there's nothing here.
you gave me nothing.
there's only air here.

vendor
ah, there you go.

customer
there what i go?

vendor
theres your flavor.

customer
what ?

vendor
you said any flavor.

customer
well, i was hoping for chocolate chip or strawberry.
you know,real ice cream.

vendor
well, you're a snob.

customer
why am i a snob?

vendor
you think you're too high class.

customer
why do you say that?

vendor
you've never tried it have you?


customer
well, no. not really if you want to get technical.

vendor
then how would you know what it tastes like?

customer
well, you can't eat air.

vendor
why, weak stomach wimpy boy?

customer
no, thats not it.

vendor
i bet it is.
probably went to a private school, had mommy and daddy buy you a shiny new car, eaten cavair every night.

customer
excuse me?

vendor
you heard me.

customer
for your information, i've never eaten caviar in my life.

vendor
you did go to a private school.

customer
lowers his head

vendor
aha! i knew it.
i can spot you guys a mile away.

customer
can you just do your job?

vendor
my job is being done.

customer
being an asshole?

vendor
sometimes it needs to be done.


customer looks at vendor curiously.
whats wrong with you? look
vendor looks back at customer whats wrong with you? look
customer sees vendor reach for scoop.

customer
right there.

vendor.
what?

customer
i saw you reach for the scooper.

vendor
no, i didn't.

customer
yes you did.
your hand was going for it.


vendor
my hand was going for it.

customer
it's ok, i wont tell anyone.

vendor
i was taking it off the machine.
it's really cold.

Customer
 Is there anyone else I can talk to?

                         vendor

                 you're looking at 'em.

                               customer.

                          sigh

                               vendor
            so fess up.                       
       you're like me, don't you?

                     customer
                      huh?

                    vendor
it's ok. Ahem i get it all the time.
every year at the convention.

                            customer
                      convention?
                 
                        vendor
           yea, what you think we vendors don't have a life?
 you think all we do is serve you lot?

                   customer
       well, i didn't mean tha-

            vendor
(mocking gets down on his knees in front of him)
oh , please sir, come by my station.
no one ever talks to me all they want is ice cream.
i have no girlfriend and all i do is live in a cardboard box in the back-

 customer gets uncomfortable and looks around
 please stop..c'mon

vendor
you know it's my dream to be an ice cream server at a lower level university.
it's not even a real university, it's a branch off the main one in austin.
you know what that means?
it means this isn't even real.
this whole thing is fake.
i'm fake.
im not a real person.
im a figment of  your imagination.
this conversation isn't even happening because apparently i'm not good enough to even get a job at  the main university.
and i tried- believe you me!
you know what happened when i went to apply at the university?
they said- to me- that i wasn't qualified!
me! not qualified!
to work as an ice cream server at a university cafeteria!
WHAT?! DO YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO READ MINDS OR SOMETHING?
DO YOU NEED A CRYSTAL BALL?
OH I'M SORRY, I LEFT MINE AT HOME NEXT TO MY VODOO DOLL!
I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF MORON CAN'T GET A JOB SCOOPING ICE CREAM OUT OF A PLASTIC TUB?!
HOW MUCH INTELLECT DOES ONE PERSON NEED TO USE A SPOON?
APPARENTLY YOU GOTTA BE FREAKING EINSTEIN TO DO THE JOB.
YOU MISS ONE QUESTION ON THE TEST-
AND THEN YOU'RE DONE FOR!
WHAT KIND OF STRICT RULES ARE REQUIRED TO SERVE ICE CREAM AT A UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA?!
WHAT-IS THERE A SECRET GOVERNMENT INSTALLATION THAT REQUIRES A MINIMUM INTELLIGENT OF 300 PERCENT?!!
DO I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SOLVE POLYMORPHIC EQUATIONS OR SOMETHING?
GOOD LORD!!
WHAT THE FUCK-CAN YOU TELL ME-'
CAUSE I SURE CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT??

customer
uh, well, i-

vendor
my point exactly.
what kind of world do we live in?
huh?
what the hell is going on in today's society where a good and honest man can't even get a job serving ice cream?

customer
well, uh..you got a job here..
that's gotta  count for something?

vendor
eh, when they checked out my previous application in austin,
they saw that i failed the math portion and they felt sorry for me.

customer
oh...well..
at least you're working..
i mean, my brother isn't even doing  that.
right now, he's sitting on his ass on my couch watching f troop reruns.
that's all he does.
day in and day out.
and just drinks all my chocolate milk.
right from the jug.
i love chocolate milk.

vendor.
why don't you throw him out?

customer
he's my brother.
he's family.
you don't do that to family.

vendor reaches in a gives him his ice cream.

vendor
you deserve this.

customer
(wow)
thank you.

vendor
no problem.

customer
you wanna catch a movie or something?

vendor
yea, id like that alot.
shifts up anyways.

the next person comes in and takes his apron.

they both walk off .

end.

I love this video.
I think the best thing about this video is how fake it is and how seemingly retro it is.
The whole tone of the piece sounds like something that would be shameful to her and her family (she comes from a very religious family and actually released a gospel debut) and an attempt to distance herself from her previous lifestyle.
However in today's over sexed society, it's really not too big of a deal, but still obviously titillating, hence the song's success.
The thing i really love is that you could actually have made this in black and white nitrate and it still would seem shocking.
The very fact that it ends with a shot of her waking from a dream shows that she didn't want something too offensive, just enough to get her noticed and to be palatable enough to the everyday buyer.

int. uta cafe ice cream stand

 A young man is standing behind the ice cream stand handing out ice cream to patrons.

              Guy 1

           (overly cheerful)

                       Hello.

             Guy 2

              (Fake sincerity)

                   Hi.

              guy 1

               (cheerfully)

         I would like a cherry vanilla double dipped ice  cream cone please.

                                 GUY 2

                 (dryly)

                       no.

            GUY 1.

              (confused)

                     what?

           GUY 2

               (dryly)
                  no.

           Guy 1.

             (curious)

                no?

           GUY 1.

        (even more confused)

                  Why not?

          Guy 2.

         (faking concern)

           It's not good for you.

                              Guy 1.

                        (growing in frustration)

                         I'm paying for it.

                  Guy 2.

                (sarcasticly)

                       I know.

                Guy 1.
 (more growing in frustration)

           Is there a specific reason why you won't give it to me?

             Guy 2.

                  (dry)

                       no.

            Guy 1.

                 (stand still)

                  you just won't.

            Guy 2.

                  (dry)

                       right.

                       Guy 1 nods in failure.

            Guy 1.

                    (defeated)

                       Is there anyone else I can talk to? 

                                Guy 2.

                             (goofy sarcasm)

                              nope.

                               Guy 1.

                               why not?

                                 Guy 2.

                   my boss is at an ice cream convention.                         

                                 Guy 1.

                          you're lying.

             Guy 2.

                        yes.

              Guy 1.

              (almost defeated)

                       will you just give me a scoop?

                                 Guy 2.

                           (with devilish delight)

                           only if you say please.                            

                                 Guy 1.

                             (losing patience)

                                  Please!

                                Guy 2.

                              Please what?

                                Guy 1.

                     Please give me a single dip cherry

                    vanilla ice cream cone.    

                             Guy 2 goes into his bin and gives him a single dip chocolate chip ice cream cone.

                              Guy 1.

                     this is only a single dip. and it isn't even cherry vanilla, it's chocolate.

                            Guy 2.

                             so?

                            Guy 1.

                           I said cherry.                                                   

                             Guy 2.

                            I didn't hear it.

                            Guy 1.

                           I just said it!

                            Guy 2.

                           this guy is an idiot.

                            Guy 1.

                            I'm right here!

                             Guy 2.

                            (sly)

                           I know.

                            he smiles.

                            Guy 1.

                            what is your problem?

                             Guy 2.

                            (belittling him)

                               I love you.

                             Guy 1.

                             oh!!

                            He is steamed and walks off.

and in comparison to the source (the pulp genre itself) it was awesome.

there are some rocky points here and there near the end, but it was pretty good.

people put so much reverence into these movies because they've never seen these types of movies before(and how much fun it brought them-same with star wars-leave the guy alone, he knows what he's doing) when they first came out, that they don't realize how cheesy(and slightly racist) the movies lucas based them on were. (same for star wars)

after 19 yrs, and the parties involved, you hope to find something fun.
that's what they did.
had fun.
no one but lucas knew (probably) knew what the serials were like, and he wanted a script that represented how much fun he had while seeing these movies, and that's what he got.
if you take it from that perspective, then it's perfect.

 what is decency?

is it ok for me to cuss in front of you?

or are you use to it because of the atmosphere you grew up in?

if i ate with the wrong fork, would you faint?

The level of decency for one particular person will always be different from another.

what gives each of us the right to impose our own beliefs (or our own communities' beliefs) on someone else because we are not comfortable with their habits?

what/who allows for the correct level of decency?

time and place may affect decency but does it truly allow for continuation or is it secular?

 the great thing about the fifties was there was such vitality in the mindset and love of life and through their media, they were only allowed to be false.
It was like arrested development and not until the mid to late 60s, did America really begin to grow up.

I love it because it was like a spear being thrown into a bad guy's chest in the middle of a losing battle.
In that respect, it was like the fan became the maker in the midst of bad movies.
and brought to life a thriving underground fandom that infused the movie with an dire sense of urgency that is felt throughout the movie.
I love it because it symbolizes everything great about movies.
The thrills,mis en scene,characters and a great denoument.
It is what american movies are all about.
great escapism.

I went back to the museum (well it's now inside the cowgirl museum) and the first thing I heard was my name being yelled across the room in sheer jubilation.
I looked around and for a second, didn't see anyone I knew. Then a familiar face appeared out of nowhere.
it was jessie. she was never my manager, but I always wanted to be. I always heard that she threw the best parties and generally seemed like the nicest person there. The first feeling I got from her was that of a blob. She had this vibe that made me feel like we were formed out of the same gelatinous mold.I remember one time during the star wars thing last year, she came up to one of us and was saying that one of the customers weren't being treated fairly, and this other guy was about to get in her face, but I said something to the effect of  "we got it covered and if you would leave us alone, we could fix it." hmm.. that actually sounds kinda mean...well, less mean words and more nicer ones.

anyways, I always wanted to work with her, and suprisingly enough, that's where I was placed originally during interviews.. but I kept telling myself floorstaff is where i want to be and am meant to be..man, was i wrong on that.

but now, I might have a chance to work with her.( the omni will be hiring again in may.)but i'm wondering if i should wait till then ( she already knows i want to work for her.. i tried to work for her while i was working as a floor staff all the time, and I let her know after it was all over, and i recently called her to ask and found out about that it was now opening in may rather than the preassigned April) or should I just e-mail her and tell her nice to see you today and ask if they need help now?.. which i feel kinda bad about since my old floor staff worker/manager person is working in the same place..
The funny thing is where i worked-floor staff-and where she works as manager..it was always like 1st class vs 3rd class..and they always liked me in 3rd class..so maybe that's why i got some breaks last summer..

my sister will tell you that I often (or used to) talk about how I missed Beatles Tea, and there is finally a reason I can pinpoint.(thanks to steve martin's auto bio)

(Beatles Tea was this rpg game me and her used to play along with some other beatles fans during their second coming.yes, I am, and it's true if you were a teenager in the mid 1990s.)

Beatles Tea was kind of like a mini improv/comedic performance school for me.
I would create a character and always get people rolling in the aisles.
I usually thought "I could say just about anything right now and it would get a laugh." and I usually did. almost always.
the word tree worked extremely well for some reason.

and always a new angle in some unique way until the character ran out of steam and dried up.
and that's when I stopped.
I guess I always wanted this as a memory and nothing more, but lately, I've been dying to get back into it.
and really going into it full force.
I took some improv classes a few months ago, but where I was then, was nowhere near where i needed to be, so they never went anywhere.
I am hoping to take a improv class at uta in the fall and see what happens.

I've been thinking about the type of women i feel most comfortable with...and they mostly seem to be really very versed in music,film,writing,science.

the top 2= natalie portman and zoe deschanel.

..at least hang out with them.

the type i am being attracted to now in my personal life-

 english/psych/science majors and some who are into improv..but not necessary..as long as they have a sense of humor.

and they seem to work for friends too.

  I am an actor but i never end up being actual friends with any of them.

 it's always work friends.

  almost the same with film people..but not as much.



  

so, i was watching true lies tonight and it got me thinking.

the only reason the bad guys exist is because we exist.
we created him with our horrible foreign policy.

we are essentially batman and commisioner gordon at the same time.